Federal Bill Would Repeal DOMA

The Respect for Marriage Act, introduced by Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) would repeal DOMA and restore the rights of all lawfully married couples, including same-sex couples, to receive the benefits of marriage under federal law.

Advocates of the repeal hailed the White House announcement.

“It is rare that a White House endorses a bill that has yet to pass first in either the Senate or the House,” said Rick Jacobs, chairman of the gay rights advocacy group Courage Campaign, in a statement. “His support makes clear to all Americans that the Defense of Marriage Act has no place in our society.”

“By supporting this legislation, the President continues to demonstrate his commitment to ending federal discrimination against tens of thousands of lawfully married same-sex couples,” said HRC President Joe Solmonese, in a statement.

On January 11th, the Senate Judiciary Committee was scheduled to hear testimony about the marriage legislation.

The hearing, entitled “S.598, The Respect for Marriage Act: Assessing the Impact of DOMA on American Families,” marks the first ever hearing on the issue of repealing DOMA since its enactment nearly 15 years ago.

DOMA, enacted in 1996, prevents any of the over 1,100 federal rights, benefits and responsibilities of marriage from being afforded to legally married same-sex couples.

Those benefits include Social Security survivor benefits, federal employee health benefits for spouses, protections against spouses losing their homes in cases of severe medical emergencies, the right to sponsor a foreign born partner for immigration, the guarantee of family and medical leave and the ability to file joint tax returns, among many others.

I live the gay lifestyle, the gay lifestyle that is often mentioned by some Republican candidates for president.  For those who are unfamiliar with the lifestyle, this is a typical day:

The former New Mexico Gov. and perennially frustrated GOP candidate for president, who is currently flirting with the notion of a libertarian run for president, officially declared his support for gay marriage at a online town hall meeting. Johnson was previously more wafflely, with the old support of “civil unions” standby. Now he’s going for broke and saying he really is for gay marriage.

Johnson’s statement:

“As a believer in individual freedom and keeping government out of personal lives, I simply cannot find a legitimate justification for federal laws, such as the Defense of Marriage Act, which‘define’ marriage. That definition should be left to religions and individuals – not government. Government’s role when it comes to marriage is one of granting benefits and rights to couples who choose to enter into a marriage ‘contract’. As I have examined this issue, consulted with folks on all sides, and viewed it through the lens of individual freedom and equal rights, it has become clear to me that denying those rights and benefits to gay couples is discrimination, plain and simple.

“Certainly, religions and people of various faiths have the right to view marriage as they wish, and sanction marriage according to those beliefs. Just as government shouldn’t interfere with individual rights, government should not interfere with how marriage is treated as a ceremony, a sacrament or a privilege within a set of religious beliefs. However, when it comes to the rights of individuals and couples under the law, government’s promise should be to insure equal access to those rights to all Americans, gay or straight.

“For a very long time, society has viewed gay marriage as a moral and, yes, religious issue. Today, I believe we have arrived at a point in history where more and more Americans are viewing it as a question of liberty and freedom. That evolution is important, and the time has come for us to align our marriage laws with the notion that every individual should be treated equally.”

______________________________________________________

Tips for Families During the Holidays

National PFLAG has adapted a piece by Mariana Caplan entitled When Holidays Are Hell…A Guide to Surviving Family Gatherings  to help parents and siblings make the up-coming holidays really welcoming for visiting LGBT family members.   It is reproduced below;

you are the friend or family member of someone gay…

• Get support for yourself. It is important to realize you are not alone.
• Take your time. Acceptance may not come instantly, but be honest about your feelings.
• Don’t be nervous about using the “correct” language. Honesty and openness creates warmth, sincerity and a deeper bond in a relationship. If you are not sure what is appropriate, ask for help.
• Realize that the situation may be as difficult and awkward for your GLBT loved one as it is for you.

Before the visit…

• Practice in advance if you are going to be discussing your family member’s sexual orientation or gender identity with family and friends. If you are comfortable talking about it, your family and friends will probably be more comfortable too.
• Anticipate potential problems, but do not assume the reactions will always be what you expected.
• Consult with your GLBT loved one when coordinating sleeping arrangements if he or she is bringing home a partner.
• If your family member is transgender, practice using the correct pronouns.

During the visit…

• Treat a GLBT person like you would treat anyone else in your family.
• Take interest in your family member’s life. He or she is still the same person.
• Don’t ask your GLBT family member to act a certain way. Let them be their natural selves.
• If your GLBT family member is bringing a partner, acknowledge him or her as you would any other family member’s partner.
• If your GLBT family member is bringing a partner, include him or her in your family traditions.
• Ask your GLBT family member about his or her partner if you know they have one

Same-sex marriage, it should be noted, is already illegal in North Carolina. The amendment is simply a push to put the nail in the coffin, making it extremely difficult for same-sex marriages to be legalized in the future.

The issue of same-sex marriage is complicated in North Carolina, as it is in any state. According to recent survey conducted by Public Policy Polling, while most North Carolinians strongly believe that same-sex marriage should be illegal, they also strongly believe that there should not be a constitutional amendment to write that into the constitution. As conflicted as that message may be, it is clear: people may disagree on an issue, but that doesn’t mean we should play political football with our constitution.

I’ve had people ask why I am so vocal about the issue of LGBT equality.   Why is a heterosexual, married father so concerned with what gay people can or can’t do? I don’t have a dog in this fight, do I?

I find those kinds of questions to be puzzling (and telling), as if we should value the rights of one group of humans over any other group, or only be concerned with the welfare of a group to which we belong. As Elie Wiesel said, “I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

So, anyway, this is why I care (and why you should too):

LGBT people are citizens. I have friends (some of whom were married in other states years ago) who love each other as dearly as I love my own wife (and who have been committed to each other for just as long). It pains me to know that there are people who reject the validity of these relationships, and who wish to deny these couples the same benefits that other married couples are afforded. These committed, same-sex couples are North Carolinians. They contribute to the economy, they pay taxes, and they certainly do not deserve to be treated as second-class citizens by anyone. Just as it is hard to believe that we once denied marriage rights to interracial couples, or voting rights to women and African-Americans, we will look back upon this time with the same disbelief and shame.

Homosexuality is not a choice.

Although science has not zeroed in on any one single cause, the growing body of research suggests that sexual orientation is caused by a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences. The biological factors related to sexual orientation involve a constellation of genetic factors, as well as brain structure and early uterine environment.   Homosexuality is so natural, in fact, that it occurs in nature.

Still not sold? The following major medical and professional organizations have also concluded that sexual orientation (and gender identity) is not a choice American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, National Association of Social Workers, Royal College of Psychiatrists, and American Academy of Pediatrics. If you think that all these scientists, doctors, and experts are all part of a conspiracy to advance the homosexual agenda, ask yourself this: at what point in your life did you make the choice to be heterosexual?

Kids do just fine in families with same-sex parents. “All of the major professional organizations with expertise in child welfare have issued reports and resolutions in support of gay and lesbian parental rights” (Professor Judith Stacey, New York University). These organizations include the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Psychoanalytic Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the Child Welfare League of America, the North American Council on Adoptable Children, and Canadian Psychological Association.

A recent study indicates that kids with lesbian parents may actually do better than their peers. If you are convinced that kids absolutely need one mom and one dad, you’re  a) forgetting about the many single-parent families in existence,   b) equating ‘gut feelings’ with facts,    c) depriving a lot of children of  a wonderful life with a family, a stable, loving home, and the best opportunities possible.

Don’t we want less government intrusion in our lives?

It’s interesting that most of the people who support the ban on same-sex marriage also seem to be interested in less government intrusion. They want the government out of their health care. They want the TSA to keep their hands off their junk. They want less regulations on corporations. They worry the government is going to take away their rights: to bear arms, to speak freely, to practice their religion, to say ‘Merry Christmas,’ and to choose what kind of bulb they use in their houses. They are furious when the government tries to tell them what they shouldn’t eat, where they can or cannot smoke, or how much gas their car can guzzle. And these same people want the government to restrict the rights of someone else. They want the government to tell them what they can or can’t do with another consenting adult. How do you reconcile your belief in a small, less intrusive government with your approval of legislation intended to restrict the rights of taxpaying citizens and to control who they should and shouldn’t love? It’s absurd. You want deregulation?            Let’s deregulate marriage.

I am a father of three beautiful boys. They are all young enough that they have not shown any definitive signs of sexual orientation one way or the other. Chances are, they will be heterosexual. Of course, there are studies indicating that the more older brothers a boy has, the greater the probability is that he will have a homosexual orientation. This is related to the in-utero maternal immune response, which increases with subsequent sons. Of course this is only one of many studies dealing with the hormonal factors associated with
sexual orientation, but my point is, if any of my sons were gay, that’sperfectly okay. We would accept him for who he is, and love him just the same. I don’t worry about that.

What I do worry about is this: if I did have a gay son, how could I explain to him that people don’t want him to have the same rights as everyone else? How can I explain to him that if he wants to grow up, buy a home, and start a family, he might need to move to a state that doesn’t reject him? How can I explain that people believe he is an abomination whose perverted lifestyle will lead him to an eternity in hell? How would I feel if my son killed himself because he was bullied, maligned, ridiculed, and made to feel as if he had no place in society? The only way to avoid any of our children goingthrough this is to send a clear message that people are different and that’s okay. Some families just have one mom, or one dad.  Some have a mom and a dad. And some have two moms or two dads. And maybe if our state’s leaders stop sending the message to our children that they are unwanted, maybe we can save the life of a child. Isn’t that worth it?

At the end of the day, it just makes sense.

Ask yourself what you are worried about if same-sex marriage is legalized. Whatever your answer is, ask yourself if you really believe what you just came up with. Homosexuality is not going to spread. It is not communicable. Society is not going to turn into a Lady Gaga video.

Most gay couples I know are just as boring as you and I. They sit on the couch and watch television. They work at the post office, the hospital, the grocery store, and at real estate agencies, just like heterosexuals do. They eat out at restaurants and shop at Target. Many have pot bellies and don’t have much fashion sense, just like me. They own pets, and go to church. They volunteer, sing Christmas carols, and buy Girl Scout cookies. What are you afraid of? What is going to change by allowing these people to commit to one another and enjoy the benefits that you and I enjoy: tax breaks, insurance breaks, bereavement leave, medical leave to care for a sick partner, domestic violence protection, visitation of partner in the hospital, burial determination, medical decisions on behalf of partner. Really sexy stuff. You and I take these things for granted. Nobody wants to go through life not knowing how they will deal with some of these difficult moments in life. Imagine if you were denied any of the above right when the time came for you and your spouse to exercise that right? I’ll tell you what it would feel like. It would feel like you were a second-class citizen.

So, if you’re a North Carolina citizen, and you care about equality, please make yourself heard. Whether you’re straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, speak up.

Educate yourself about the May amendment vote.

Donate,

Volunteer—– tweet, post Facebook statuses, blog, talk to your churches, your neighbors, your friends and relatives. Help them understand the science behind sexual orientation, and help them understand the importance of voting on May 8.     ’Like’ the organizations that are working to fight this amendment, and stay informed (EqualityNC, HRC).    Repost articles and blog posts to keep friends aware.

There is a lot of work to be done.
There are many things each of us can do. But we can’t be indifferent.