PFLAG Alamance

This Post is exerpted from a letter from a young woman who grew up in Alamance County, moved abroad to work, met her life-partner — and now finds that US Law does not provide legally for her to bring her partner home.   Pending legislation in the US Congress would help; it’s called “The Uniting American Families Act.”

Reprinted with Permission:

       “Normally we don’t think of ourselves as different.  We are two people in love and live our lives.  But it was made painfully aware to us, when we discovered that United States immigration law prevents me from entering the country with her as my partner.  As far as the United States government is concerned, she is no more than a friend, whom I could leave behind when I return to the United States…..

     “The consequences are that when I decide to return to the US, I will not be able to sponsor her for a green card.  And any time we arrive at the border, we will face the danger that they send her back.  This is a real fear, based on others’ experiences. 

      “As I do not intend to return to the United States without her, and I do hope to see my family on a regular basis, there is only one solution that I know of:  to change the law.

        “I would like to ask for your help.  Senators and Congressional Representatives are sent to Washington to represent their constituents and therefore need to know what the folks at home believe in.  Would you be willing to write an email or make a phone call to Senators Hagan and Burr, and Congressman Coble or    .  (see below for addresses)

       “I am only one small voice in a state of 8 million.  My email alone will not convince them to support the Uniting Americans Families Act.

       “I am constantly wondering: “what if I find a job in the US? …or what if my parents ever need me?   How can anyone expect me to leave my partner behind?  

     “Currently the United Americans Families Act is the only solution to this problem.  It would amend the law to allow me to bring her to my home in the United /States.” 

Here’s how to contact our representatives in Congress:                                                        

Senator Hagan:   http://hagan.senate.gov/?p+contact or 1-877-852-9462 (Washington) or 336-333-5311 (Greensboro).

Senator Burr:   http://burr.senate.gov/public/index.cfm? FuseAction=Contact.ContactForm             or 1-800-685-8916 (Winston) or 1-202-224-3154 (Washington).                                  

Congressman Coble:    http://coble.house.gov/Contact/ZipCheck.htm or 229-0159 (Graham) or 1-202-225-3065                                                                                                 

Congressman Miller:   http://www.bradmiller.org/contact   or 336-834-2343.    

Ask your Senator and Congressman to support the United American Families Act because it matters to people in Alamance County.  Current law discriminates unfairly against the citizens of our own county.  For more information see the human resources campaign website:  http://www.hrc.org/laws_and_elections/6985.htm

Ask them to support the United American Families Act because it matters to people in Alamance County.  Current law discriminates unfairly.  For more information see the website:

Mitchell Gold, successful NC furniture manufacturer, will speak in Elon on Tuesday evening, April 14th, at 7 pm.  His topic is Growing Up Gay in North Carolina: Understanding the Pain of Bigotry and Discrimination. 

Mr. Gold is the editor of a new book of autobiographical essays about the personal and social and religious pain and trauma of growing up gay in America.  Among the contributors to his book are US Congressman Barney Frank, Athletes Martinia Navratalova and Billy Bean, and the Revs. Jimmy Creech, Mel White and Bishop Gene Robinson.

Mr. Gold says he collected these essays because parents, teachers, counsellors and pastors need to become aware of “the immense emotional, psychological and religious violence brought to bear on our families and communities, gay and straight.”  Gays and lesbians “should not have to hear themselves called sinners and unworthy by media spokespersons, elected officials or religious leaders.”

Gold plays a major role in the national dialogue on gay rights.  In December 2005, he established Faith in America, a non-profit organization dedicated to educating people about  the harm caused by religion-based bigotry, which is often used to justify discrimination against gay people.  He served for seven years on the national Board of Directors of the Human Rights Campaign. 

Mr. Gold will speak in the Barringer Center of the Elon School at 201 S. O’Kelly Ave. in Elon,  South O’Kelly is off Trollinger Ave. which runs on the north side and parallel to the RR tracks.  

From S. Church St. take Williamson Ave. North.  Just before the RR tracks, turn right on Trollinger Ave.    Then take the 2nd turn to the right on S. O’Kelly Ave.  The Elon School is clearly marked on the left,  Parking is ample. 

The program begins at 7 pm.  It is sponsored by PflagAlamance.

We who are supportive “Straight Allies” can normalize our GLBTQ family members and friends by being visible ourselves and speaking up.  Take the “Straight for Equality” pledge at http://pflag.org.  It says:

As a straight ally committed to supporting and advocating for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people, I will:

Come out.

I will acknowledge and work on any uncertainties I may have in “coming out” as a straight ally, and, as I grow in confidence, I’ll increasingly let my family, friends, and colleagues know that I support equality for GLBT people.

 

Speak up.

Whenever I have an opportunity, I’ll say something supportive of GLBT people, whether I’m responding to a homophobic joke or remark, commenting positively about a current event, or making the case for equality in a discussion.

 

Join in.

I will review the many recommended actions provided through Straight for Equality that will help me create change in big and small ways and incorporate those with which I am comfortable into my growth as a straight ally to help move equality forward.

This posting was submitted by a PFLAG Alamance mom.  It was written by her daughter.  We all know that legal marriage in a civil courthouse provides legal benefits—but legal marriage means so much more. Please comment by emailing info@PflagAlamance,org

Ir is No Small Thing to Stand in a Historic Moment

I had said “I do” before, standing in the front of a church sanctuary, wearing a white dress and looking into her beautiful eyes.  She wore a white dress too. 

In good and bad, joy and challenge, we’d promised before God and community to stay by another’s side and share it all.  We had already said “I do” to all of it.

And so I didn’t think about what it might be like to say it again, standing in the Santa Cruz County building.  I had no idea what it would feel like for us to walkinto a clerk’s office and actually receive a marriage license.  It didn’t occur to me that I would be so happy to write a check to the county for anything.  Truth is saying “I do” in front of the county clerk meant more than I could have ever imagined.

It is no small thing to stand in a historic moment, to participate in the righting of an injusticeyou haven’t dared dream would come true for you.

Does having a civil marriage license makes our Christian marriage any more valid?   Absolutely not.  The promises we made to God and each other are not subject to any civil authority.  We are blessed beyond measure to serve and participate in a Christian community that already believes our growing family is equal to any other, a community that has been working for many years to move the state to practice the equality of citizens so clearly stated in the Constitution.  

I learned the pledge of allegiance to the United States flag almost 30 years ago.   As an adult I’ve discovered my allegiance is first to God and that primary allegiance sometimes comes into conflict with the laws of the United States. 

I’ve also learned that these conflicts between my core Christian convictions and certain laws, policies and decisions by the government can be held in a creative tension.  This tension is possible because og the innate freedom given to me in my creation as a child of God, and because of the freedom of choice and espression promised in the U.S. Constitution.

What i also learned as an adult, though, is that there were limits to the freedom under the law for me.  My sister and her husband could be married under the law.  They had that choice in every state.  But, because I was oriented differently and knew that a woman was the life partner for me, the choice of legal marriage was denied me. 

“With liberty and justice for all” didn’t mean me, not wholly.

But then came an ordinary Tuesday morning in June.   I said “I do” — again.  This time in a courthouse.  This time surrounded by another community of people we love and who love us.  This time with a simple dress for me and maternity clothes for Shannon. 

And the room erupted in joy, tears and applause.  The state had made good on its promise to us, as citizens.  Our family was finally recognized as equal under the law.

We are deeply and profoundly grateful to God for the loving and Christian community that surrounds us every day.  And we are proud to be citizens of California, where “liberty and justice for all” rings ever closer to being true for all its people. 

1.              The Rev. Heather Dillashaw Spencer is an Associate Minister at First Congregational Church, United of Christ, in Santa Cruz, CA.   She and her wife, the Rev. Shannon Spencer, are expecting their first child this fall. 

One of our membners has requested that the following news report be posted for PFLAG supporters to read::

Study: Military gays don’t undermine unit cohesion

By ANNE FLAHERTY
Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON — Congress should repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law because the presence of gays in the military is unlikely to undermine the ability to fight and win, according to a new study released by a California-based research center.

The study was conducted by four retired military officers, including the three-star Air Force lieutenant general who in early 1993 was tasked with implementing President Clinton’s policy that the military stop questioning recruits on their sexual orientation.

“Evidence shows that allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly is unlikely to pose any significant risk to morale, good order, discipline or cohesion,” the officers states.

To support its contention, the panel points to the British and Israeli militaries, where it says gay people serve openly without hurting the effectiveness of combat operations.

Undermining unit cohesion was a determining factor when Congress passed the 1993 law, intended to keep the military from asking recruits their sexual orientation. In turn, service members can’t say they are gay or bisexual, engage in homosexual activity or marry a member of the same sex.

Supporters of the ban contend there is still no empirical evidence that allowing gays to serve openly won’t hurt combat effectiveness.

“The issue is trust and confidence” among members of a unit, said Lt. Col. Robert Maginnis, who retired in 1993 after working on the issue for the Army. When some people with a different sexual orientation are “in a close combat environment, it results in a lack of trust,” he said.

The study was sponsored by the Michael D. Palm Center at the University of California at Santa Barbara, which said it picked the panel members to portray a bipartisan representation of the different service branches. According to its Web site, the Palm Center “is committed to keeping researchers, journalists and the general public informed of the latest developments in the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy debate.” Palm himself was “a staunch supporter of civil rights in the gay community,” the site says.

Two of the officers on the panel have endorsed Democratic candidates since leaving the military — Army Lt. Gen. Robert Gard, who supports Barack Obama, and Marine Corps Gen. Hugh Aitken, who backed Clinton in 1996.

Air Force Lt. Gen. Robert Minter Alexander, a Republican, was assigned in 1993 to a high-level panel established by the Defense Department to examine the issue of gays in the military. At one point, he signed an order that prohibited the military from asking a recruit’s sexual orientation.

Alexander said at the time he was simply trying to carry out the president’s orders and not take a position. But he now believes the law should be repealed because it assumes the existence of gays in the military is disruptive to units even though cultural attitudes are changing.

Further, the Defense Department and not Congress should be in charge of regulating sexual misconduct within the military, he said.

“Who else can better judge whether it’s a threat to good order and discipline?” Alexander asked.

Navy Vice Adm. Jack Shanahan said he had no opinion on the issue when he joined the panel, having never confronted it in his 35-year military career. A self-described Republican who opposes the Bush administration’s handling of the Iraq war, Shanahan said he was struck by the loss of personal integrity required by individuals to carry out “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

“Everyone was living a big lie — the homosexuals were trying to hide their sexual orientation and the commanders were looking the other way because they didn’t want to disrupt operations by trying to enforce the law,” he said.

___

California is a long way from Alamance County–but two parent-members of PFLAG Alamance have posted this message about the significance of legal marriage in California.   If you would like to comment on this posting, email info@pflagalamance.org.  

“Why Marriage Matters– in California and Elsewhere

   “On June 17, 2008, they–two people very dear to us– were legally
married by the clerk of court because their church ceremony in 2005,
like all church weddings, was not a legal ceremony.  Most church
weddings are followed by the couple and their minister and witnesses
doing legal paperwork because everyone knows that the church wedding alone confers no legal rights.
    “Now that they are legally married, they can expect the same legal
rights as other married couples, i.e., the right to make medical
decisions for each other, the right to visit each other in the event
one of them is hospitalized, the right to inherit real property from
each other in the event of death, the right to joint parentage of any
children born to them.  Other rights too numerous to mention in this
short writing are theirs now–but only as long as they are in
California.  No other state in the USA is compelled to recognize their
marriage as a legal union.  Whether their marriage is called a marriage
or a civil union, it is legal only in California because theirs is a
same-sex marriage of two women who are committed to each other as life partners. 
    “Their commitment to each other and to any children either of them
should bear will not be legal in North Carolina, a state that would
recognize without question a heterosexual marriage certificate from any state in the country.  No matter how brilliantly they perform their
daily work in the professions they have chosen, no matter how kind they everyone they meet, no matter how dutifully they obey all the
other laws of NC, their marriage is not legal here–no matter how many
churches recognize their union.
    “Same-sex marriage is not about religious beliefs except in the sense that religious beliefs–notably Christian ones–espouse the Golden Rule to treat others as we would wish them to treat us.  Same-sex marriage is about civil rights and social justice-allowing all people to choose their life partners and conferring on that choice equal rights and responsibilities for all couples.”

A hundred and fourteen people bought tickets to see “For the Bible Tels Me So” at the Paramount Theater Sunday night. We were a little disappointed in the numbers but not in the quality of response. Virtually everybody stayed for the Q and A, and the questions were excellent.

There was a question about the “macho focus” of the way our culture encourages us to raise boys. Even gay guys know it and try to hide their more feminine side.

There was a question about the “don’t tell” culture of many churches in Alamance County: “we welcome gays, but let’s not talk about it.” Dan Karslake, Director/Producer/Writer of the film, made an eloquent statement about churches: “If there is any place where people should be free to be themselves, it is in their church,” he said. Integrity is at the heart of Christianity, and it is a basic need of gays.

Brenda and David Poteat introduced their accomplished daughter, Tonia, who grew up in Haw River but now lives in Atlanta. She will be studying for a Ph.D. in International Public Health at Johns Hopkins next year. Tonia answered questions about whether anyone ever chooses to be gay and about how difficult it is to come out to your family.

PFLAG would like to hear from other members of Sunday’s film audience. Will you email comments to info@pflagalamance.org. Tell us what most impressed you during the film and the Q and A. Thanks!

We will screen the award-winning documentary entitled For the Bible Tells Me So at the Paramount Theater in Burlington on Sunday evening, May 18th at 7 pm.

Dan Karslake who wrote and directed this full-length documentary film, will be present, as will members of the Poteat family, who are featured in the film and are residents of Haw River.

Learn more about For the Bible Tells Me So.

Read the Burlington Times News coverage on Thursday, May 15th: This Story Needs To Be Told. 

Training for “Straight Allies” took place at Elon University on January 23rd. Trainers were from the North Carolina Department of Public Instruction, and the training was sponsored by PFLAG and Elon University.